Merry Christmas BOA........

PD Power

New member
Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it..

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENCE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 10

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year?

Your Humble Client


And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to **** us off.
 
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"I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years."

and

"My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate."

I see you have been retired for eight years. It's a shame you spent your life living so far beyond your means you now can't pay your bills on time.

Eight years retired and you stiff your plumber, because you still have a mortgage on your home. What you need is some down sizing and to learn to live within your income.

Maybe a little less time and money wasted on fruitless old age endeavors trying to become an engine builder and some time spent behind the counter of McDonalds would help.

______________________________

Great writing Paul. I found a video someone made of your letter or the letter you took credit for writing. You stole a good one this time, I enjoyed reading it.

Here's the url to the video with proper credit appearing on the screen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0haID5SuzHU
 
Whoever this happened to, the blame is on them for writing a bad check AND for selecting a bank that didn't make them happy. Bank of America is not the only bank available.
 
I too liked it, sadly there are many other institutions in our once fine country, that do things like that, IMHO, much easier to just change banks.
 
I dealt with Bank of America for 10 years with my mortgage. A total nightmare. They jerked me around so much it wasn't funny.
What get's me is when you buy your home, you go with a mortgage company that you trust and feel comfortable with. Next thing you know, the mortgage is being sold five or six times to other companies like Bank of America who are one of the biggest crooks in the nation.
 
Buying a house for my son, BOA had a list of charges for this, that and the other, PLUS needed the money in an account for like 60 days....in order to...get this...to assure we were not laundering money.
Went back to our realtor, used her people, everything done pronto, with none of the large assessments, fees, etc. attached.
BOA insisted I put $10g immediately in an account, solely for the purpose of paying their closing costs, as the deal progressed.
The deal has progressed, just fine, with a different brokerage. House closing is Dec.27,
MERRY CHRISTMAS, son.:)
 
I tried to work with them on a loan modification. Every time I called them, they would add some stupid fee to my account. They tried to charge me $500.00 for a balance inquiry. Made me take my house off the market, and I missed 2 sales. Finally OK'd me for a modification, but my payment was $500. more a month than I was paying.
 
I tried to work with them on a loan modification. Every time I called them, they would add some stupid fee to my account. They tried to charge me $500.00 for a balance inquiry. Made me take my house off the market, and I missed 2 sales. Finally OK'd me for a modification, but my payment was $500. more a month than I was paying.
Seems to be the typical BOA deal.
I'm near to pulling all our accounts, etc. from them.
 
I've heard Chase has the best rates, give back percentages and perks for using their credit card.

I'm thinking of trying a national type bank. You all brought up banks, any input on the best national bank to use?
 
Can't go wrong with Suntrust Bank and they don't sell your mortgage and give you good rates on your home and auto, everything stays with Suntrust.
 
Can't go wrong with Suntrust Bank and they don't sell your mortgage and give you good rates on your home and auto, everything stays with Suntrust.

Already did about 15 years ago. For me there was NO trust in "Suntrust". I still have BOA for novelty sake but went to Florida Credit Union and am MUCH happier now.
 
If you ever want to know the true value of a dollar, try borrowing one from a bank.

I have never seen a mortgage agreement that did not include a clause stating they have the right to sell your mortgage to another financial institution. If Suntrust bank does not include that clause, I applaud them. I once had a mortgage on a property that was worth 348,000, I owed 56k on the note, when the mortgage was sold the new broker hit me for PMI because I didn't put 30% down on the new mortgage they acquired. The name of the broker was Chase. I dumped them immediately and within 4 weeks I had a brand new mortgage with Saxon, within a years time it was sold to Chase. You just can't win sometimes, although the 2nd time around they didn't hit me with PMI.
 
Already did about 15 years ago. For me there was NO trust in "Suntrust". I still have BOA for novelty sake but went to Florida Credit Union and am MUCH happier now.

Sorry you had problems with Suntrust but my family been with Suntrust for about 10 yrs. and no problem with them on anything. I've heard threw friends that they have no problems with a Credit Union Bank too and they are happy with them. Everybody should study your bank or a credit union and find the best one that suits you and your family.
 
Chase is as crooked as they get . They bought our mortgage , every payment we sent went to a drop box and they would only pick up after the due date . We got charged late fees .
It took some work but we got the fees credited back. We then sent the payments registered mail receipt required . That stopped that crap.
 
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