Need some parenting advise

Well not sure if this is the place to ask this
But here goes. I am a father of a 16yr old and he lives with his mother. He was living with me a couple years ago but he didn't like my rules so he wanted to live with his mom. I did no she said ok. Before he left I told him that if he went to live with his mom he wasn't bouncing back and forth between homes. Well she has let him run wild now for 2 years and now doesn't listen to her. Now she wants him to come back to my house. I am remarried and my wife is scared of him. He hasn't been very nice to my wife.

So I guess the question here is. What should I do?

Frankie
 
Not being a smart butt here but go and give him a drug test to see if there is a problem there. Also like davea7 said go see a counselor. Hate to here about your problem, wishing you luck also.
 
He's your son. Sorry, but that should have about 98% weight in the decision. Then seek professional help as the post above says.
 
im only 29, but i would say let him in. you have to give it a shot; he is your son. test him for drugs and either clean or dirty set very specific rules he MUST obey like being respectful and going to school every day. and a realistic curfew to reel him in. explain to him you are doing this as a good gesture and he is not guaranteed to stay there if he breaks the rules.

whatever you decide, good luck with your situation and stick to your guns. dont cave in.
 
Teens lack a good dose of reality, despite the fact that they think they know it all. In addition to all of the above, perhaps it may be possible to expose him to life's harsher realities in a productive way by letting him see how others HAVE to live -- ie. mission trip to a poor country, public service at a charity, etc. Teens are also young and idealistic, and if you can find a way to harness that, they can be very productive for good... If you do find a counsellor, which I also recommend, make sure you find one that's professionally competent -- ie. gets results, not just has a lot of letters before and after his/her name... And be consistent. Good luck!
 
Seems to me you have a responsibility to your present wife. Any decision you make has got to include her input. Her fears Have to be a major Consideration. You got yourself into this, and if you expect her to help you get out of it, It’s Got to be with her permission. You should make her fears Your first priority in any decision you make.
 
Thanks everyone. He doesn't want to come live with me. I talked to him last night and he told me that he wants to go to the job corp in Gainesville FL. I told him that it's like school and work. They won't make you go it's your decision. He has done a lot of research on this place. I was very surprised at how much he knew about the place. I told him that I would back his decision. I am going down to FL to see him and talk to him some more.

Thanks everyone for the advise.
He is a typical teen. I have gotten him into racing. Didn't help. He is a great baseball player. I mean allstars every year. Went to state a few times. Just seems nothing works. He knows all done it all seen it all. You know just as all of us have.

Frankie
 
Seems to me you have a responsibility to your present wife. Any decision you make has got to include her input. Her fears Have to be a major Consideration. You got yourself into this, and if you expect her to help you get out of it, It’s Got to be with her permission. You should make her fears Your first priority in any decision you make.

According to the following link provided below, 41% of 1st marriages end in divorce, 60% of 2nd marriages end in divorce, and 73% of 3rd marriages end in divorce. Personally, if it were me, I would have a little more loyalty to my flesh and blood, not to mention my responsibility to raise a child that I chose to bring into this world, than I would have with my 2nd wife. Although she is a priority, she would definitely not be my number 1 priority.

http://dailyinfographic.com/divorce-in-america-infographic
 
Are you sure about the Job Corp thing? When I was young, you had to be 18 with a high school education in order to join. Thought what they taught you was how to help out overseas in foreign countries. I'd be checking it out, he could be blowing smoke with other intentions in mind.

Sounds like the boy doesn't want to follow anybodys rules, what makes you think he'll follow the Job Corps rules. What happens when that doesn't work out? Better have a contingency plan, just in case.

Nothing worse than dealing with a hard headed teenager that thinks they know it all. They lose their ears for awhile during those years.

Best of luck to you on dealing with him.
 
I work walking distance from that very Job Corps. I hear of folks not permitted in the convenience store on the corner because they were buying cigarettes for minors working at Job Corps. With that being said, I would think minors are permitted. -Alan-
 
Yeah I did some checking on it. It's legit you have to be 16. They house, school, and work on a career of the kids choice. Everything he told me was dead on. So it looks to me like he did some research on the place. I talked to him last night for about an hour about choices in life. I also told him that I can't make him do anything all I can do is tell him what I would do in his situation. I told him that I would help him out with anything as long as he gave it an honest effort. I am going down in 3 weeks to take him up to the place and see him off to straightening his life out. He said that he was a man (he has no clue what being a man is yet. I'm 37 and question if I am there yet sometimes) so I told him that being a man means your actions in your life will have consequences good or bad.

Frankie
 
Your EX wife and you have problem you both need to address . He needs to know YOU DO CARE ABOUT HIM . But that comes with some limitations. He needs look at the people HE hangs out with, and were you wants to go in his life. This is your Son issues and He must decide here, that he needs to be part of your life or your Ex wife life. All you can do is talk too him. But if your Wife is afraid of him that's a issue he will need to work out with your lady, It's not his Mom but your new wife and he needs know how you feel about this problem. I wish you luck don't give in or give up .
 
I agree with FOURTOGO in that we as parents can never give in or give up. We need to let our children know that we as parents are in this for the long run and will never give up on them, no matter how hard things get. Life is difficult enough for adults, much less a young person who doesn't have decades of life experiences to fall back on. Even though they probably won't listen to all of it, we need to keep putting it out there for them, hoping they absorb something along the line. As I pray for my son, I will also pray for you and your son as well.
 
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